The Impact of a Death
In July and August I was working on a life of my father Kelly Bert Manning who died in 2020. His sickness and death affected many people. Some other things reminded me of how other people’s lives have been derailed by the death of someone close to them.
Li Mengyang’s Epitaph for his Own Wife (Ming Dynasty)
Weeping, I said to someone: “Only now when my wife has died do I know my wife!” This person asked how that might be? I replied: “Previously I studied and took office, and paid no attention to household matters. Now, nobody pays attention to things, and they don’t get done. When I had guests, food and drink suitable to their needs were supplied. Now no more guests come, or if they do, nothing is suitable. Previously, I used things without any attention to where they belonged. Now, everything gets thrown about and nobody puts anything away, but everyone’s good at breaking things! Previously, we never lacked for pickles and sauces and salted beans, but now, it’s not like before! Chickens, ducks, sheep, and pigs were all fed at the proper time — now, they’re not fed at the proper time and they’re all too thin! When my wife was alive, there was no whispering and giggling inside. If I went out, the door was not barred when I came back at night. Now the door is barred, and inside I hear that giggling! Before, I had no idea of what dirty clothes were. Now, if I don’t order them washed, they don’t get washed. My wife’s hands were constantly busy with sewing, cutting, drawing, and embroidering; now, no hands are busy. Formerly, when I wanted to groan about past and present but did not want to talk with friends, I could talk to my wife. But now when I come home, I have no one to talk to. That’s why I say: only now that my wife is dead do I know my wife!
Translation by Kathrine Carlitz as quoted in Alan Baumler, “The Perfect Wife” 18 May 2024 https://froginawell.net/frog/2024/05/the-perfect-wife/
Spider Robinson’s Career Ends
(Spider) Robinson‘s a science fiction writer who tends to start working anywhere from 10 o’clock to midnight and writes until the early hours of the morning. Oddly enough, that schedule worked out fine when Jeanne was alive. “I would go to bed around 4 or 5 when she started her day,” Robinson said. “And you might wonder about my motivational system because I must be the laziest man you ever met and yet I’ve got 35 books in print. How did that happen?”
The answer lay with his wife, according to Robinson. “I left the pages out and that reminded her, over breakfast, what an interesting fellow she lived with. And then I got a hot date at night,” Robinson adds wistfully that now there is no date waiting for him at the end of the day and he has trouble finding a new motivation. But this was only part of the deal. In addition to reading the material, Jeanne made notes in the margins and edited his first drafts.
“It was a great partnership,” Robinson said with sadness. “I used to tell people that Jeanne did the work of five people. Now that she is gone, I realized that I seriously underestimated her. She maintained full time careers as a dancer, a Buddhist practitioner and a filmmaker – I don’t know where she found the energy.”
“Not done with cancer,” Bowen Island Undercurrent, 6 May 2012
https://www.bowenislandundercurrent.com/in-the-community/not-done-with-cancer-2973916
500 years and a whole ocean apart, these literati found that their ability to get things done fell apart after they lost their wives. The past few years have been very difficult for many people and if any of my gentle readers are not where they want to be in life, I hope they are kind to themselves.
Further Reading
Michael Drout’s euology for his father David I. Drout, MD (2020)
(scheduled 16 August 2024)
